Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
