Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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