69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
