Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
