Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize