I love having hate sex.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
