toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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