But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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