He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
