ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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