Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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