so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
