HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
