I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
