Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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