a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize