you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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