My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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