You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
