apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
