totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
