we have pet lesbian snakes
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
