He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
