trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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