I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
