Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
