you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
