Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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