the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
