also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
