I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
