I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
