wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
