so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
