I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
