I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
