so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
