dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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