i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
