One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
