Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
