i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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