You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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