Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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