Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
