Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
