i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize