2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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