how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
