We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize