Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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