Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
