i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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