i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
