Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
