So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
