I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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