i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
