So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
