Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
