During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
