just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize