Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
