I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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