So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
