My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
