So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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