guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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