We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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