You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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