If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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